|Ideas For Summer, Activity Of Winter
||[08 Sep 2005|11:59pm]
Oh yes! Ideas I have indeed
and what can be said of one with such said things?
Not much... but then everything starts somewhere right?
Well ideas for AMV's that is
but that's fine by me, its all I'm interested in at the moment.
That and playing Sly 2: Band of Thieves... and comics (Curse you Mychael! Now I always want MORE comics to read! The pile is never large enough)
I've finished Soprano's season 5, I quite enjoyed it... though I know I'm going to have to wait. And knowing Mychael might read this I don't want to say anything about it... to myself. hahahahahahahaha!
If you're reading this other people, then you must be so excited yes?
I know you are, in those eyes of excity wideness ^-^
Why.. WHY is Samurai Champloo 2 not in stock? ANd more to the point, WHY DON'T THE GAMESMEN HIRE ME! Bastards... what kind of employer doesn't want an employee whom, after being paid, puts that entire pay check back into the stor by buying up games and anime?
A crazy one with the mind of an embittered elder about them, no longer able to find the joys of gaming. Why then do they run a gaming store?
Business sickens me once again... and like Chris at TAFE, I shall have to find someones pockets to envoke my vomiting upon
So lets see...
There's the Aphex Twin's "Avril 14th" / Azumanga Daioh idea
in which I have make it look like Chiyo Mihama is looking back over her earlier days in school at an older age.
May sound difficult to do? Not at all
Some cheap degrees of cleverness will see me through
There's a song on the Hellsing soundtrack I think would be perfect with a video made up from Reservoir Dogs
Had the idea of putting Serial Experiments Lain to Mars Volta originally... buuuuuuuuuuut... I don't know... I think I could think of better combination perhaps? I'd need to watch the series over again
Generating ideas for Texhnolyze, Cowboy Bebop, Akira and Excel Saga (though sometimes the ideas seem better then others)
Any idea's or thoughts on these would be well considered
I'm currently having issues making them, (this accursed computer) thus it may be sometime before they enter production
I've been hearing alot of hate lately
and everything around me has been changing
as the anchor on this cruising ship, I've got to lift off
the world is a new place to so many people at the moment, I've got to get my grips and come on back to the land of the living
Possibly the only real news I have to share is that recently I've been thinking of doing something with my life
I don't mean a career
I mean being a wanderer, travelling where I will, work when it benefits me, etc.
Or working for Red Cross
something to live for, not just live with.
Perhaps I'll return again and travel back to my own world,
I've spent too much time away
I have to work at getting back up there
feel free to join me if you wish ^-^
Everyday I forget soemthing new
Till next time I'll likely be just as distant
(like looking through a liquid cloud of gray most days)
|Unmanned Aircraft (heated junk metal)
||[20 Jun 2005|12:01am]
There's this space
a vacuum, perhaps, that contains all that should be in a life to give it that sense of completion
that sense of completion is the vacuum.
Now I can't say that I've done much recently I've been proud of, and thats not to say things I do bring shame upon me, but just that there is no validity to what I do.
I feel I should let go of all the attempts to lead a life as most do, and lead one completely seperate.
Not individualistic as such, rather, one that does not bare the processes of the other.
Its like this recession.
On a mental level beyond anything else.
This.. space where my thoughts once lived.
I recognise on a variety of levels, that no matter how intelligent or unintelligent someone is, they are inevitably stupid. One will condemn the other on the same basis, but both are as bad as one another. The opinionated will class those with a seperate opinion as stupid based on nothing else but their opinion is different.
So what would this world be like devoid of idiots?
Maybe the issue is that we ONLY condemn idiots. And strive instead to become knowledgeable, to become wordly and intelligent.
What has that done for us instead? Are there less idiots now because people strive to become smarter? Or are the idiots those that make no attempt? That instead continue without learning, without studying?
If the latter is the case, what then? Should we accuse those that haven't spent as much time doing the former of stupidity?
So we can say instead, its the opinionated that are idiotic. Or bigots are idiotic. Or fanatics are idiotic. Or the preachy are idiotic.
but then where would these accusations end?
What makes one more idiotic then the other?
What makes them more idiotic then say the intellectuals? the philosophers? the dreamers? the artists?
What makes someone who believes in religion stupider then someone who believes in science?
For instance bigots, as much as I can't stand them, are counteracted by people who call for equality. But on what level?
At the core of it, for equality to work the way it should, it would mean that we would not see past the differences between us, but be ignorant that differences between one another exist. Which cannot be achieved by drawing attention to it.
So on what level do we remain aware and ignorant?
(I used this example as an example only)
Until a man proved there was gravity, the thought of it was incomprehensible. Until it was made possible, the notion of being in space was for dreamers only. The world was flat until proven otherwise.
These people weren't thought of as stupid by commonfolk (though they probably were there too if the commonfolk knew who they were) but by and large by the "intellectual" community.
But doesn't that raise the question that perhaps they're even stupider that once it was proven, they should simply accept it as being truth? Allowing it into fact?
Which is worse? That they scoffed at first or accepted it afterward?
Or that we simply accept these same things today without question, intellectual or otherwise alike. That skeptics are idiots who can't accept reality?
If what we concieve to be knowledge is correct, then how can there be various theories on the same issues? There doesn't have to be a precise answer to every question, but how many answers can we make for the same question? If you prove one to be right and strike the other answers away, doesn't that mean that we only accept one possibility? That if we question any longer it seems foolish?
(I don't know if that last paragraph has much to do with anything now that I read over it again, however it remains. I have a policy to not erase what I've written unless I feel it is not conveying on some level the thoughts I have at this time)
It comes down to, what makes you, and me for I am as guilty as anyone else of the same issue, any less stupid then the people you criticise?
I'm sure there are reasons, arguements you can make, but there is no perfection. Ignorance and intelligence lead to the same situation, generating a sense of knowing what is right or what is wrong based upon perspective. Nothing on this earth is objective, to some degree there is no possibility to be subjective on a matter. You can treat it objectively, sure, but everyone will generate their own opinion whether they choose to voice that or not.
I feel I've said enough now to get some sleep.
And I'm certain that not only does it not correctly convey my thoughts, but has many holes left open for arguement, spelling and grammer aside.
|Glass in my foot, no longer on my mind (except every time I walk)
||[30 Apr 2005|03:16pm]
I can't believe it, it had to be about the tiniest piece of glass you'd ever seen in your life, and yet it stings like nothing else when I take a step on my right foot.
Once again, this is something I find curiously amazing!
I've had about 15 splintery grass things stab my feet, and now a piece of glass, all with the course of one week.
The one thing I've realised out of that?
Getting poked by a pokey piece of anything, is REALLY itchy!
...for at least a little while after the poking has occured.
Yesterday, I came home to find a dead bird on my driveway. It might seem silly to you that I'd say "that wasn't there when I left this morning...?"
But that's what I said.
I don't have a picture of it to show (unlike people I know, I don't have the inclination to photograph dead animals)
but were I to have, you'd also have seen not only the vacant look (that most dead animals have... I wonder if when I die I can make the effort to ensure my look isn't so vacant... maybe a nice picture smile would ease the creepiness that is death?... Or worsen it?... better then the vacancy... Better yet!! Die holding a No Vacancy sign! Wow... I'd say that was a cool idea if it didn't seem so ... why am I talking about my own death anyway?)
if I could show it to you, you'd notice that the bird was in the stages of decomposition.
So it couldn't have flown there and died, it had to have been on the roof, or perhaps in the gutters of the roof, or dragged there by a cat (or dropped by another bird that was sick of seeing the sight of it on its favourite rooftop? Tell me you wouldn't drop a dead guy on the street if it sat there in your favourite pub being all deadlike and decaying and acting antisocially... you would'nt want a rude dead guy there, they wouldn't want a brid who refuses to fly with them either I'm sure!)
so its gone now.
But I thought with that, and the broken glass on my floor that everyone seemed okay with simply leaving there, which may somehow relate back to my foot pains, is about all there has been.
I took a visit to Roman Dirge's journal, along with his lady's journal (Keira....... I don't think I got that right somehow... though I do know it starts with a K)
I shall have to check it and possibly deduct one second from my life for every letter I have placed incorrectly (bwahahhhahhahahahaaa! Laugh at your own jokes, no one else is going to!)
I can see why those sites are so popular
So in future
I think I shall resume normal transmissions
today has been not so interesting enough for me to do so
|And There Was No Need For All The Heckling
||[31 Mar 2005|12:09am]
Its been a while
glad to see your still here
Why if my journal had arms right now it'd probably hug you for being so nice as to come and visit so frequently so when I did finally update you actually notice
and possibly care
and might even like it
and not be dissapointed again... not like that other time at least
what was I thinking? Ha! That sucked even for me!
I shall have to once again wipe my memory for even remembering that time
(Not that its for you or anything, just for me, hahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha!)
Writing errors are the best!
I love going to write a word like "being" and writing "bing" by mistake!
Can you possibly tell me that bing is not as fun as being?
well.. I AM writing this! But thats not what I'm talking bout
I'm writing a screenplay
and I feel really good bout doing it too!
It shall be AMAZING! So amazing it burn your eyes out for asking if it be so amazing as to make you levitate out of your seat with glee
I'd tell you what its about
but I want to finish it first
and with holidays a comin I think it be very soon
There was 23 people aboard the SS Medulla
No one knows of its where abouts
its last known whereabouts was somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean
over the tectonic divide
some say it was hit with a burst of gas, causing it to sink into the blackey/blue abyss
others say it was abducted in the bermuda traingle and that the gas was just a by product of alien probing test
others still say that the SS Medulla didn't exist at all
and that I made it all up
and that just leaves the question
that if I made it up, isn't it now real?
Spare a moment for the 23 lost souls......................................................................................
The moment has now passed
Lets not kid ourselves
they shall be forgotten ^-^
I hate to format my computer twice now
in the last few months since I regularly came online
and it was about that time I stopped writing in my journal I think
I didn't want poo stuff in my journal
so now it is minus the poo.
I believe it is minus the poo anyway
I could tell you I hated what I was writing
but ehy detract from the fun of writing what I am at the moment
which is to say I'm not having great fun
but I still ummmmmmmm... well enjoying is not the right word
but it seems less stinky then the others.
I go now to sleep
I'll see you next time kay?
|The Harder Things To Keep Track Of...
||[06 Mar 2005|11:58pm]
I've decided that if I were to ever make a movie
Michael Rosenbaum would HAVE to be in it
No matter what!
Today marks the first time in a while were I feel this unmistakable draining feeling
One which I cannot pin point
(the fact that I had to sit here for around a minute or so to realise the words I was looking for were "pin point" should be a slight clue as to the undeniable possibility that I my head is not at all straight today)
For some reason the word "Predeliction" kept coming into my head over and over again
For some other reason, my brain tells me this might not be a word at all
Though I do believe it to be, and if I could muster the physical energy to go and find out I'd try.
I feel ill
very very ill
I know I have some form of flu, but it feels much stronger then that
Regardless of how it happened
I was just cut off in a very abrupt manner in a rather emotional conversation
and all I can say is
Fuck their stupidity
And I HATE that I can't express my anger more clearly!
If I had a car, there'd be several people wounded tonight.
Perhaps then I could laugh too
|Free and Easy (Abortion Style)
||[28 Feb 2005|10:18pm]
Feebles told me everything
how could you do that to her so suddenly
do you not feel any remorse at all?
Sure, nobody liked her, but she is a living being
Soon it shall be begun
I have searched long and hard for an artist
and one has come along
tomorrow I shall get an answer
And this film
it will be made, both of them
I should perhaps write something for it first?
|The Lunar Staircase and all that dwell upon it. They too shall have their time!
||[25 Feb 2005|08:44pm]
I shot 57 people in my head today
and does that ever feel so relieving.
Once you've tried it I assure you, you'll feel calm, tranquil and your digestion will be more regular then you thought possible.
An old woman approached me at Blacktown station
she told me my discman wasn't good for me
I stared at her, at my discman, at her.
She looked like she'd seen people die of radiation poisoning due to listening to a discman
or perhaps seen a persons head explode due to overall volume.
She once again told me it was bad for me
I said its fine and resumed with slight intrigue
she then said the discman would be good for her
to which she laughed and said "your a good boy" and walked away
as puzzled as I was (kind of) I laughed quite a bit that she didn't care at all about what I'd think of her or anything else.
She simply came to me and created an odd moment.
That completely made my day
and with those 57 people dead
I think I can sleep well this night.
|Base Human Error
||[21 Feb 2005|12:35am]
I find it ever increasingly funny how obnoxious most people are
and by that I mean a large majority of this planet
I'm not talking about my friends, though their not innocent of it
and I'm not saying I'm innocent of this same offence, but I've been trying to change that for some time now
I see and hear sooooooooooooooooo many people say
"No one understands me"
"No one can understand me"
etc, etc, ad infinitum.
There is nothing to understand.
A person can not lord their secrets over other people then complain about it.
I just read a website about the creator, to which they listed off things about themselves, and in true fashion wrote "You still no nothing about me!"
As though somehow we expected that knowing puny useless details was supposed to fill in their entire how-ever-many-years-they've-been-alive gaps.
Or perhaps I'm wrong and they're wrong
perhaps that is all there is to know
the rest is just a creation of emotion
and considering everyone has emotions then to a large degree everyone CAN relate.
I could put something equally obnoxious in here such as
"see now how pathetic you seem?"
But thats not what I mean to say at all.
Nor would I mean to imply I'm speaking to any one person but the reader
plus there is the whole issue with the fact that perhaps it is I who is the real obnoxious pathetic one.
But doesn't that just make it that much funnier?
I watched the first episodes of Galaxy Angel and Peace Maker
there is some good anime out right now
too bad I have no moneys to buy it with.
|Space Station Echo Jelly Rips Through Your Andromydax
||[21 Feb 2005|12:01am]
You're only worth a shit if you're worth a shit to me
and you can disagree if you want to
but I know you say the same thing in your own special way
I still feel good
after all is said and done
and with a new friend made
and reasoning swayed
I won't stop now
|As Tom Waits sings "I Don't Wanna Grow Up"
||[19 Feb 2005|02:16pm]
In this house I grow unsettlingly tired
Of all the same arguments that I hear again and again without any regard for purpose
Everytime there is mention of my brother whom my parents grow bitter about never seeing I want nothing more than to leave here forever.
If ever my parents start a debate it breaks out into a war (a pissy little war, but a war none the less, based souly on emotions and words)
I'm all for disagreements
Whats the fun if everyone agrees?
But this I am beyond sick of, and one day I ought to tell them that, rather then you.
"If you don't like it... DO something about it!"
(That's basically how I've been trying to live my life recently for those who are interested to know that too)
||[31 Jan 2005|01:02pm]
I was thinking of the processes of suicide recently
it occured to me to think that most often people tend not to commit suicide based on the fact that
the ominous "THEY" win.
Face it, THEY couldn't care anymore then you care about them, to THEM you don't even exist. The expression "if your not somebody your nobody." Well if nobody dies, nobody notices.
But here's a better way to see it.
If you were to commit suicide, YOU lose.
Because you will never know what could've been waiting for you in the future. Or you could've found.
If you die, all you will ever be is dead. If you focus on death, your already dead.
If you do something about it, you can be something more.
Stop waiting, do something about life rather than death, there is so much more you CAN do.
and if you let everything else force you to feel that you can't then you have to deny them, fight them, you know you can because others have before you. And will continue to do so after you.
Its merely my opinion. And I'm sure you can guess why I wrote this, if you are who I think you are reading this.
If you don't like it then fine, just say it, I can deal with it.
But if you think by living you are only prolonging the pain, then there are many OTHER choices that you can take in life to live then what may be first apparent.
|Andrea Mezzanine is such a kool name!
||[31 Jan 2005|12:42pm]
||Between Green and Orange
So here I write from Queensland, a little out of the ordinary I know.
I'm currently sitting in front of several fans and sweating profusly. DAMN YOUR HUMIDITY PLANET EARTH!!
It has been an eventful week where I got to hang out with friends, make a new friend over ze net (whoohee!! I be a happy gopher!)
Have seen many many bats, many cane toads, a number of black cockatoos (I didn't know they came in a black variety...) and to two beaches
neither of which I swam at.
So I said to Jacob I would start a new trend in my updates, and as you can see I am not starting that today. Though I do intend on doing so. This shall be my learning year. "HaHaHa! Your my funny child!"
I was contemplating that if a baby gains food through the mother by way of what the mother eats, as in a portion of everything eaten by the mother is fed to the child, if the mother was to suck a guy off and swallow, does that then go to the child? Does that make the child a cocksucker from birth? If so it'd certainly explain (finally) a number of people I have met during this life.
And if you find this offensive, please take the time to go to hell.
I shall update again once I get a chance upon my return
|It's been a long time and I'm still not shut down. I'd like to first start by thanking my fans!
||[13 Jan 2005|08:49pm]
It has indeeed been longer then I care to remember since I have payed any tribute to this wastrel journal of my own. I suppose the thought has never been there for me to fill it, for what can I say here I can't simply say to people when I see them?
well a lot I imagine. But today I wish to simply state what has occured since I DO care to remember.
Christmas came and Christmas passed. It seemed to be on top of me before I realised it and gone too quickly to really enjoy it. But of that time I did have fun.
I saw friends and family during the weeks and that is what I cared about most.
Of the things I got I enjoyed these the most (in no particular order)
- John Safran vs God
- Harley Quinn T-Shirt
- The J-Files Interview book (containing people such as Bjork, Mike Patton, David Bowie and many more)
- Mr Tadakichi toy
- Michaelangelo Ninja Turtle toy
- New Colour TV
New Years fell like a dud fire cracker, and had about as much bang as one also.
My plans fell through (I felt like I was ditched by a friend who chose to work instead.... I guess its in the past and not worth thinking about).
So I closed myself off in my room, let my brother and his ex-gf talk to one another (about something bad that happened) watched the fireworks on TV (eh... nothing special) and slept at 3.
Considering I could've been under the fireworks display on a boat, I felt like I'd missed out on something decent.
Of the things I bought recently
The Sopranos DVD season 1
and Knights of the Old Republic
I am happy
I'm travelling to Queensland for a week to see a friends 21st
I shall be there soon man
I am to be working on a short film project!
And even better is the fact they sound determined to undertake this endeavour.
Even though I am unsure of their ability to make a film, to work on SOMETHING is better than not
and to think I met them by volunteering to help out a small theatre production.
more details as they come through
plus I may need to find an assisstant as I may be required to fill in for acting as well and would need someone to help with the technical aspects.
thats all for now
just the brief notes
|A Great Deal of DisBelief
||[21 Nov 2004|12:21am]
Well I am sure hoping that last night was the resounding climax to a truly horrible week.
I can't believe what had happened last night, it disgusts me.
I have made up my mind
All damages will be paid for (considering the shoes cost $80) and although I don't expect everyone to simply forget it ever happened I shall try to make ammends.
Moreso then that, I don't want to drink anymore. That is not to say that, as a lot of people do, that I decree I shall never drink again, but more to say that I don't want to be in the frame of mind that I must drink in order to have any fun. I can't describe the shame and anger I feel at myself
simply put I can't stand having total control but I never want to have complete lack of control.
I distinctly remember the time being at around 3 last I checked it, and I was changing my shirt. I remember feeling heavily sleepy, if you'd asked me I'd had said I passed out at that time. Though others had informed me otherwise. I honestly wish more then anything that I had done.
Okay... so it COULD have been worse, recently I have been overwhelm with extreme anger which has led to me lashing out violently, namely against inanimate objects, but at those times I'd been in total control. If it had occured again last night (of course I went to the party knowing that I was likely to be drunk and knowing I could become volatile if provoked or if the mood took me, which was not a smart thing in the first place) it could have ended much worse then it had. However that is not to say that I am letting myself off the hook simply because of it.
So in the end I have tried to eliminate my anger, leading me to believe a night of entertainment with friends would be the key, and grew much worse as a result. Now leading to the anger to which I have been trying to control raging again, except this time upon myself specifically.
All day I have been trying to defend myself, or attack myself depending on the time.
I can see this being one of those things I beat myself up for for a long time coming.
|I taste Mucus (Explosive Dry Objects)
||[20 Oct 2004|11:32pm]
I felt like making something so painfully clear right now so that I don't have to worry about hiding it anymore.
I do not care if I say or do something that rubs you the wrong way.
If you don't like it, you don't have to.
Don't think though that just because I talk to you that I necessarily care what you have to say.
Or what you think.
This doesn't go for everyone, but that's just myself in general.
I'm not as good a freind as I might appear to be.
So to sum up what I am feeling right now,
I really do not care what's happening, I don't feel I need to.
Perhaps one day I'll come back to this.
I hate my entries of late so much.
|None Deserved For This Entry.
||[16 Oct 2004|06:36pm]
I just cleared a whole entry on purpose.
For the first time I ever actually deleted anything I've written, and its a whole entry.
Well now that that is out of my system I might just go about business as usual.
Ne-yeurgus spoke to me in a dream
only three words did Ne-yeurgus speak
one upon a breeze of sand. Compiling order in traditional ceremony.
one upon the falling ice. Glittering tears and hardened sinistry.
the last heard in electricity. A pulse unnerving my inner ear.
Only three words did it speak.
I was out the other night at a party, to which I felt one person in particular I hadn't met was giving me dirty looks.
Often I ignore such ignorant behaviour.
On this night, although not feeling overly insulted, I did feel angry that someone chose bring down my night.
I still wonder if I had reacted in the way I felt to react how might've the night panned out.
Especially when it came to the point where my friends chose to converse with her, and I too sat at the table.
I must go and choose a song.